TUckertuCKertuckER

23rd February 2012

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How it is

Some days it hurts.
Some days you woke up and it feels bad.
Bad to be alone.
You want to take back what you’ve done wrong.
Take it back from everyone.

Then one day you wake up and realize
They are human just like me.
They want joy and happiness just like anyone else
They couldn’t get it from me.
I couldnt get it from them.

You realize you can’t fix it.
And no matter how much you want to.
No matter how much compromise you are willing to make.
People will be people.

I’m lonely but I’m not mad.
A little scared too. But not sad.
Because you either find your way or you don’t.
I’m always worried that you won’t.

But take this time and try to remember
Just How we felt back in that December.
I’ll always love you until I die.
But I’m so hurt that you never even tried.

Get what you want. take it all
Have your fun. I won’t call.

I don’t want that I told you so moment to come.
But I hope you know that everyone that doesn’t want to fuck you
Everyone that knows what you haven’t accomplished.
They don’t give a flying fuck what you do
Who you’re with.
What you’re worth.
They just want to have fun.

You showed me how much you care.
Youre about the fuck and the high.
What kind of person do you think you are?
You’re not about tomorrow.
You’re not about dreams.
You’re not about ambition.

I pushed you because no one else would.
I pushed as gently as I could.
I pushed because I loved you and because I cared.
Because I wanted us to make something beautiful.
A life
A family
Anything.

I fucked up.
I know i did.
I wanted to be better.
You wanted to stay the same.

You did alot that made unhappy.
You did alot that pushed me away.
I was too nice sometimes.
I should have said something when it bothered me, but it’s not like it mattered.

When you’re old, I hope you find someone rich who takes care of you. I can’t stand the thought of you ending up like your mother.

You have alot of growing up to do and I won’t be around to see it.
I don’t want to see it.
It hurts.

You can’t have fun all the time and expect to wind up where you want to be.

I shouldn’t waste my breath.
You’ll resent me for this.
I won’t get through.

I don’t know if it is something I did.
If it is I’m sorry.

I’m so so sorry.
I say it alot.

Go get a fucking education. Work hard. Enjoy your life and your freedom when you’ve earned it.
Everything you have has been given to you.

I bought my car. I bought my phone(s). My laptop. My Xbox. My insurance. My everything almost.

You can barely budget your money to keep gas in your car.

wake up.

Act like you’re going to be alive in twenty years. Are you going to be in an apartment with some guy you hate? Or are you going to have a nice job that you actually enjoy, friends that will actually be there for you, and money to spend on wonderful vacations and luxuries?

I saw alot for you and for us.
It sucked at the time, but that’s why we have time.

I hope you’ll fix it.
But I’m not going to beat myself up over it anymore.

Happy early birthday.
Get your GED, or the world will always think you’re stupid fuck with a pretty face when you’re more amazing than the everything I’ve ever known,

That’s just the way it is.
I love you.
Guhb eye

20th February 2012

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Reality crisis

the tether to my sanity has surely been cut. i’m having a really hard time understanding things so grand in scale they make one life, my life, look so feeble and minuscule.

i feel like i’m floating away all the time. i feel like i’m running.

i feel like…